What if...hats had minds of their own, but had no way of expressing themselves, so we still had no idea they could think?

What if...hats had minds of their own, but had no way of expressing themselves, so we still had no idea they could think?

• Underground Hat Revolution fails to come together, largely due to poor communication
• Maybe they can manage some quiet whimpering, but not enough for anyone to think "Hey, I think my hat is trying to tell me something."
• Haberdasheries: just as bad as slavery
• They'd probably hate pants, who can talk, but have nothing to say